This is community radio for Southern Illinois, WDBX, 91.1 FM, Carbondale. And now we interrupt our regularly scheduled program for a special promotional announcement – from Pompeo & Bolton Auto Sales!
Pompeo: Hi, I’m Mike Pompeo, here with John Bolton, and have we got some great deals here for you!
Bolton: That’s right, Mike – like this 1989 Dodge Daytona, yours for the low price of just $50,000!
Pompeo: Now, some of you may be thinking that $50,000 is a lot of money for a 30-year-old car, with – how many miles on it, John?
Bolton: Looks like it got to 115,000 before it blew a gasket, there, Mike. Of course, I haven’t adjusted the odometer yet.
Pompeo: Okay, so yeah that is a lot of money for a 30-year-old car that may need some minor repairs before it will run. But guess what: It’s a great deal, and you, Bill Markham of Royalton, Illinois, are going to pay it. Tell them why, John.
Bolton: Because we know where you live, Bill. And where your wife goes to work and your children go to school. We sure wouldn’t want anything to happen to them, now would we, Mike?
Mike: No, of course not, and I’m guessing Bill wouldn’t either. Better pay up, Bill, by close of business tomorrow. What else we got, John?
Bolton: Check this out, Mike. We’ve got a 1992 Dodge Firebird for sale, for the low price of $50,000!
Mike: Wait, John. I thought the Firebird was a Pontiac model.
John: It is, Mike, but we had to replace so many of the parts with Dodge parts, we decide to go ahead and call it a Dodge. It does have three of the four wheels, though; the brakes work fairly frequently, and the windshield wipers work if you jiggle the handle just the right way.
Mike: Sounds pretty dodgy to me, John.
John: Yeah, I guess so, Mike. But Mariah Nielson of Ava, Illinois, you’re going to buy it! In fact, you’ve already bought it, because we gained access to your bank account! Congratulations, Mariah!
Mike: Great sales, job, John. Hey, speaking of great sales jobs, here’s one of our top salesman, Elliot “the Weasel” Abrams! How’s it going Elliot?
Elliot: Heh, heh, we’re doing some bang-up sales today, Mike. I’ve got an ‘85 Mustang here for sale for the low price of just $50,000. It is missing all the hubcaps, but, uh, we can replace those for an additional 5 grand apiece, so if you want the hubcaps – and I think you do – the grand total would be the incredibly low price of 70 grand. Hey, Mr. Corey Borkon of Sesser, Illinois, you need to pay up, see? Because, uh, it turns out that there are death squads in your neighborhood. Now, I’m not saying that I have anything to do with them, but I have it on good authority that they will lay off you if you come in and pay full price, or sign one of our very generous financing agreements by noon tomorrah, you catch my drift?
Mike: Ha ha, that Elliot, always with the death squads. He’s quite the cut-up folks! Hey John, tell the folks in radioland about our new windshield repair facility.
John: Oh, yeah, Mike. Right next to our showroom in Du Quoin, we’ve set up a great windshield repair facility. We will completely re-do your windshield with safety glass, personally certified by us, for just $10,000 plus taxes, licenses and fees. Now I know what you’re thinking – you’re thinking, there’s nothing wrong with my windshield, but actually [sound of glass shattering] you really do need a replacement.
Mike: Thanks for bringing that good news to the people of Southern Illinois, John. Now, you may be wondering why this non-commercial radio station would suddenly let us do an advertisement, but it’s really not about the money, is it John?
John: No, Mike, we’re just trying to bring our style of democracy to the region. It’s for your own good, ‘cause we are the best.
Mike: Well there you have it. So remember, folks, come see us at Pompeo & Bolton Auto Sales right away. And we do mean, right away. Until our next visit, you can now return to your regularly scheduled program.
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